Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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