I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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