is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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