ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
