I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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