Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
