That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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