I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
