Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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