i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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