My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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