I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
