Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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