you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
