You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
