i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
