i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
