Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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