btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
