All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
