I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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