I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this hospital has no fireball
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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