Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
