Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
