My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
