well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
