i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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