i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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