Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
