When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
