her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
