I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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