I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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