when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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