I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
