After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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