Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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