I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
