I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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