Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
