Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
