Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
