Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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