I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
