I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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