Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
