Who did Billy Mays play for?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
