she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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