I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
