i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
