I'm gonna have a badass scar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
