Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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