i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
