my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
two words...techno handjob
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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