i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my poor anus
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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