Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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