I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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