Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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