i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
