dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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