I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
