I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
