Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
