She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
