Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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