We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
